Word International Ministries Al Ain

MENTORING RELATIONSHIP

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

Presented by: Ps Bayani P. Esguerra

 

Do you want to finish well with the following qualities of character?

·         Integrity

·         Respect

·         Empathy

·         Lack of blame

·         Humility

·         Emotional mastery

·         Responsibility

·         Accountability

·         Self confidence

·         Courage

·         Focus on the whole

 

MENTORING is a relational process between a mentor, who knows or has experienced something and transfers that something like, resources of wisdom, information, experience, confidence, insight, relationships, status, character, etc., and a mentee, at an appropriate time and manner, so that it facilitates development and empowerment.

 

THREE TYPES OF MENTORING:

1.       UPWARD MENTORING

Upward mentor is someone who has gone before and can give direction  and perspective, as well as accountability and stimulus to persevere. He is a knowledgeable and experienced guide who teaches (and learns) through a commitment to the mutual growth of both mentee and mentor. He is a caring, thoughtful, and humane facilitator who provides access to people, places, experiences, and resources outside the mentee’s routine environment. He is also a role model who exemplifies in word and deed what it means to be an ethical, responsible, and compassionate human being. He is as well as a trusted ally, or advocate, who works with (not for) the mentee and on behalf of the mentee’s best interests and goals.

 

Why need an upward mentoring?

·         In the early stages of ministry and leadership development, an upward mentor is needed:

·         To establish foundations in a mentee’s life

·         To discover mentee’s gifts

·         To find appropriate ministry

 

In the middle stage where plateauing in one’s career, ministry, and spiritual life often takes place, an upward mentor provides the mentee with periodic empowerment (ministry and spiritual). Upward mentor ensure continual development in transitional or new ministry times, and even throughout the mentee’s lifetime.

 

Do you have an upward mentor, someone who mentors you? If you do, good for you! If you don’t have an upward mentor, make sure you have one before you do any ministry from this time.

 

2.       DOWNWARD MENTORING

It is a primary means for helping develop the capacity, commitment, and values that will enable the next generation to serve God faithfully.

 

Why need a downward mentoring?

Downward mentors:

·         Inspire ideals.

·         Shake a mentee’s complacency, renew mentee’s convictions, refreshingly keep them on their toes, and multiply their ministry for God’s kingdom

·         Tests mentees’ flexibility in developing approaches to familiar problems.

·         As mentors lived with integrity, they force a special kind of accountability that checks mentees’ consistency and integrity.

 

Do you have a downward mentee, a person who you mentor? If you don’t have an downward mentee, be responsible to find one!

THREE TYPES OF CO-MENTORS:

1.       THE ACQUAINTANCE

 

The acquaintance is on the far side of the continuum. They are everywhere! You meet them in almost every sphere of activity. They come in every size, shape,colour and personality. Some you see once in a while, others daily, and still others only at specific events. They come to you as neighbors, colleagues, relatives, team mates, fellow church members, and numerous other sources. They would seem unimportant but is quite the contrary.

 

Benefits in an acquaintance relationship

·         You exchange basic information with acquaintance.

·         Acquaintances are information sources that help you learn about your shared world in which you live, work and play.

·         They help you understand situations by passing on facts, observations and experiences.

Limitations in an acquaintance relationship 

·         You rarely know more about each other than what you see and pick up through casual observation.

·         There is a low degree of commitment and trust in an acquaintance relationship because of the unknowns about one another.

·         Although most relationship begins in acquaintance relationship, most will stay at this level.

 

2.       THE FRIEND

The friend is the next level of peer relationship. You know much more about people in this category. You begin to reveal more about yourself—interests, thinking and feeling about things, concerns, likes and dislikes.

 

Benefits in a friend relationship

Because personal effort and time are invested with friends, they have more time with one another, so that this relationship deepens with trust, openness, and commitment.

·         Significant empowerment results in friend relationship

·         Friends can expect God to work in and through their relationship.

 

Hindrances in establishing genuine friends’ relationship

·         Self-centeredness and Individualism—which tells us that we must make it on our own and that seeking another’s help is a sign of weakness

·         Fear of being vulnerable to another person is to most a frightening experience

·         Pride—which prevents people from exposing their inner life so that it would not be revealed that they do not “have it all together.”

 

Where do you meet peers who could become friends? 

·         In the pool of acquaintances God has placed around you in all your spheres of involvement especially those spheres of involvements that are most important to you.

·         In projects you do with people who hold common interests.

·         In one-on-one time with people in church, work place or in other context that you are able to discuss your struggles and personal pursuits or goals.

 

3.       THE CLOSE BUDDY

The “close buddy” type of peer relationship is a special gift from God. To have a close buddy in your relational network brings tremendous blessing and strength not found in any other relationship. In the close buddy relationship, chemistry and compatibility is realized when a mutual appreciation and respect emerges. Close buddies don’t see differences as problems, but rather as complimenting strengths in the relationship. As friends discover and affirm common goals and values, and openness and trust grow, the opportunity to move the relationship to a close buddy materializes.

 

With a mutual commitment to the pursuit of a deeply meaningful goal, a sense of responsibility for one another that will lift each buddy to a new level will be reached. Close buddy relationship provides accountability for integrity and inner-life growth, which is vital for those who desire to finish well. This relationship is characterized by unrestricted openness, trust, commitment, and a high sense of mutual accountability or sense of responsibility for one another.

 

ESSENTIALS OF PEER CO-MENTORING

 

1.       INTERNAL PEER CO-MENTOR

 

This is found within the context of a group or organization. Enjoys relationship within their group and spend most of their time there which makes it easy to develop peer relationship. Internal peers know the same things and provide a safe place from confidential sharing that only members of the same group can have.

 

2.       EXTERNAL PEER CO-MENTOR

This is found outside the context of a group or organization. External peers provide an objective perspective that will check tendencies toward narrowness often held by a group.

 

You’re serving as a Peer Mentor When . . .

·         You help your peers to achieve the potential within themselves that is hidden to others—and perhaps even to the peers themselves.

·         You share stories with peers about your own career/profession/ministry and the ways you overcame obstacles similar to theirs.

·         You help peers overcome their fear of a situation or a superior and help them to express themselves.

·         You help a new peer understand a particularly tough bureaucratic rule or procedure—and you explain it in a way that he/she is willing to come back to you to learn about other difficult regulations or procedures.

·         You help a new peer understand how to use resources that are available for his/her improvements.

·         You discern more about a peer’s work/ministry performance than what they tell you.

 

INGREDIENTS OF CO-MENTORING

1.       FIT

Peers co-mentors must accept and appreciate each other.  An attraction to each other should be apparent to both. Even with certain differences, each will feel a sense that there is a person I like and want to get to know, which reflects a clear compatibility. Sometimes this chemistry may not be there at first, but it will eventually develop if there is genuine respect for one another.

 

2.       FUN

Co-mentors should enjoy being with one another, and if co-mentors have families of their own, both their spouses and children enjoys occasional get together. Co-mentors fun time can develop through some commonly shared hobby, interest, or discipline that provides a springboard to acceptance. Co-mentors view leisure time is just as important as serious time. In developing peer co-mentoring, co-mentors enjoy meals together, participate in athletic endeavours, learn about each other’s hobbies, and just hang around together sometimes even without an agenda—something that is easy for friends to do yet tough for task oriented people.

 

3.       EMPOWERMENT

Empowerment in co-mentoring is experienced if the relationship centers on openness, trust, commitment, and confidentiality. This openness allows you both to spot problems or potential problems and to intervene so as to empower. Co-mentors are willing to be transparent with each other on important issues.

 

Proximity and continuity are present in the relationship, which means that co-mentors are available to each other and have regular and ongoing times together (i.e., once a week, once every two weeks or once a month depending on what the co-mentors would agree on).

 

HOW TO ESTABLISH PEER CO-MENTORING RELATIONSHIPS

We believe that peer mentors are given by God. Occasionally, you will be able to identify a given need in your life and will seek a special person, perhaps a co-mentor, who can meet that need. But normally that function will be provided by an upward mentor. The nature of co-mentoring focuses on relationship, and not so much on need-centered function. Because that is so, you do not always even know what kind of person you need in a co-mentoring relationship.

 

You must depend upon God, then, to provide you with people who will become co-mentors. You can be alert. You can know that you need co-mentors. You can beginto move along the friendship mentor continuum. But in the end it will be God who guides you to those who will be co- mentors.

 

A simple guideline for entering into co-mentoring is common-sense notion based on this conviction.

 

FIVE STEPS TOWARD ESTABLISHING PEER CO-MENTOR RELATIONSHIPS

1.       PRAY AND SEEK. Actively trust God for needed relationships. Look for them in your spheres of involvement.

2.       MAKE CONTACTS. Explore chemistry. Have fun together. Do things that will be foundational to relationship building. Discover shared values and desires.

3.       SHARE DESIRES and set expectations for a co-mentoring relationship.

4.       GIVE TIME. Prioritize your schedule and activities so you have adequate time to build a relationship that moves deeper toward empowerment.  The more your spheres of involvement overlap, the greater the exposure and amount of time you can spend together, which are key to relational development.

 

Do you have peer co–mentors, inside and outside of WIN? If you don’t have peer co-mentoring relationship, establish it as soon as possible.

 CONCLUSION:

 

Today’s success—oriented, individualistic society discourages those close relationships that we need in order to grow and finish well. The higher a leader rises, often the harder it is to find co-mentoring. Yet the higher a leaders rises, the greater the pitfalls and the more important it becomes to develop accountable relationships with peers. Such accountability relationships do not just happen. They are given by God to those who sincerely desire it. So that when it is given, it must be deliberately developed if you desire to reach the level of freedom and vulnerability you need, to bring commitment to each other’s best.

 

We must therefore aim for an empowering co-mentoring relationship, that will not only help each other develop in many ways like in competencies, but will also serve as preventive rather than curative in leading people to finish well. This is possible because of the special relationship based on trust; openness; commitment, and confidentiality, co-mentors can correct each other of tendencies towards failure in all of the following areas: family, power, pride, sexual relationships, and attitude towards the use of money, etc.

 

REVIEW:

 

You need to connect with someone in a mentoring relationship because:

 

·         Mentors give perspective at crucial time in your development.

·         Mentors are often aware of the need for renewal of experiences and can help you interpret them.

·         Mentors can detect and warn against negative or sinful patterns or abuse of power and authority in your life, or the opposite which is shying away from opportunity.

·         Peers and mentors can stimulate and provide accountability for your personal life, growth and intimacy with Christ.

·         Peers and mentors can encourage you to develop the right disciplines and new perspectives

·         Peers and mentors can model values and a positive learning attitude.

·         Mentors can spot signs of plateauing and stimulate learning.

·         Peers and mentors lead and cheer each other to finish well.

 

BRO. BAYANI P. ESGUERRA

Director,

Ministerial Care Department

Word International Ministries, Philippines

Tel. no.: (02)8938667  (02)8931668

Mobile: +639178371507

 

SOURCES:

1.        CONNECTING, The Mentoring Relationship You Need to Succeed in Life, Paul D. Stanley & J. Robert Clinton, 1992

2.        Mentor Training Curriculum, National Mentoring Working Group convened by United Way of America and One to One, 1991, in One to One “Mentoring 101” Curriculum, The California Mentoring Partnership, Mentoring and Communication, Listening Barriers and Skills